Start Another Story

It's already time to start another story. I'm getting worse at this blogging thing as time goes on again but I am gonna try to get back in it now before I let my thoughts over whelm me again. I let the lash fish go. There are plenty more in the sea and honestly there are already a few circling around me ready to bite the bait if I put it out there. Yesterday I tested the water and got a nibble, but not sure if I am ready to really cast that line out to sea again. Either way I know that if I had kept hold of the last fish things would be going worse than they already are. I'm afraid to say they wrong thing and him end up hating me and ruining our friendship but at the same time I fell like the tiptoeing around has me more unstable than if I had just let the storm rage on. I have so many mixed feeling running though me right now it isn't even funny and the fact that the biggest commercialized day for couples is literally a week away while my brain is in this frenzy is just not helping one bit. I miss the companionship of a relationship and the easy going not having a care in the world just being happy for once that I have felt before, but I don't know if I am ready to put the work in to get to that point. I had something "awesome" even though looking back it really wasn't -that- "awesome" but it came easy and felt right other than glitches here and there. I tried again and something wasn't right in the balance. Almost like I put the wrong foot forward and never could get back into the right rhythm to keep it going. I don't know where to go or what to think right now. I am over #2 this I know I don't want him back I just miss what I thought I had found in him. #3 I just don't know. I don't want to be with him but I fear I jumbled up too many strands while I tried to jump in to fast and then scrambled to get back to where I could float. Someone interrupted my train of thought maybe I can find it again later...