I'm Not Okay...I Promise

Well today sucks. What would have been 7 months turned out to be the end. I'm still partially in shock. I was kinda expecting it but after Tuesday I had let myself get my hopes up and then it hit me like a slap in the face today. I still love him. Over the past week I have started to smother those feelings for fear this would happen, but still it is a shock and something I just wasn't prepared for. This hurts and with my vacation I planned with him that I refuse to give up a month away I at least have some time to heal before being stuck in the same room with him on a boat for 5 days but I'm not even sure I will be ready for that. I want to express myself but right now i feel hallow and numb so I can't even do that. All that I know I can easily do right now is sob and try to understand why and even that baffles me. Hopefully I can figure this out in the mean time I have great friends that will check in on me and make sure I haven't done anything stupid while I sit here in my padded cell trying not to let my mind tear apart my world more so than my world has already torn itself apart.